Tag Archives: friends

An age old question.

When I was in my teenage years, it used to be the case that I had more guyfriends than I had girlfriends but these days, it would seem that there’s been a bit of a reversal. I used to find that being a friend with a member of the opposite sex was a simpler more comfortable kind of relationship than those relationships I had with people of the same sex. There was less pressure to act a particular way for fear of judgment and while this is still true to some extent today, I’m finding that the majority of my good friends are female rather than male. I can be as goofy and dopey as I like with my girlfriends but I seriously miss the uncomplicated male friendships that I used to have. This got me wondering, am I subconsciously afraid or at least more wary of men now? Can I actually maintain a healthy friendship with a man without ever wanting it to go further?

Having battled my way through a few different romantic relationships in my post-adolescence years, I think that it’s really tainted the way that I now relate to men and how easily I can befriend them. I don’t want to consume men the way I consume ice-cream but when I do meet a new man who has the potential to be a great friend, my first thought isn’t “Ok well he’s a pretty rad dude! Lets be friends.” but rather my brain goes straight to considering how compatible we could be as a couple and how good of a kisser he might be. Sure I did think about this when I was younger (I was a teenage girl after all) but it wasn’t the first thing that came to mind like it is now. A devastating realization in itself I assure you.

It really would be nice to know what’s happened to my brain over the last eight years that’s made me change my friendship tune from male to female? Sure it’s easy enough for me to relate those of the same gender but I used to hate all of the bullshit drama that would come along with being in constant contact with a bunch of girls. Being friends with a guy was just so much easier! Nevertheless, it would seem that I kind of love the drama these days. My life is so uncomplicated and boring at the moment that any excitement or drama that comes from someone else’s life is far more entertaining than anything that I can come up with on my own. However this doesn’t mean that I intentionally cause drama or insert myself where I don’t belong, it’s not my style. The thing is that lady gossip is just so much more intriguing and scandalous to listen to than man gossip (I have no doubt that there’s just as much man gossip as there is lady gossip. I’m pretty sure that men are bigger gossips than we are!)

Getting back on track. This has now got me thinking that while having a friendship with a single guy as a teenager was fairly uncomplicated and easy, having one with a single guy now would probably be more trouble than it’s worth. I get nervous and weird around some of my single guy friends (well one in particular but I won’t get into that) because I can’t help but have little daydreams about being with that person. It’s a torturous habit that will clearly never bear any fruit but I put myself through it all the same. If the situation ever eventuates that I end up dating one of my single guy friends, what happens when (not if) we break up? Do our friends have to choose sides? Is the break amicable enough to remain in the same room? DEAR GOD! Would there be “friendship assets” that we’d have to split up? He would get to see my friends but I wouldn’t get to see his or vise versa? See what I mean by it being more trouble than it’s worth?

Anyway, I’m just as confused as I was before so I’m not going to get an answer for my questions any time soon. Here’s to trying to figure it all out. Some day anyway.

The Twelfth Wheel.

We all have friends. Our friends are there for us when we need them in times of peril, heart-break and elation and in turn, we’re there for them. If you don’t have friends, you’re either a sociopath, who is incapable of forming any kind of relationship outside of their own severely decrepit and unfeeling minds, or so socially awkward that even the socially awkward kids avoid you in the playground. For those of us who (thankfully) don’t fit into either category, our friends are our lifelines and without them, we’d be lost.

Now I think I have some of the greatest friends on the planet. I love them all dearly and am inexplicably happy when we all get together to catch up. There’s nothing quite like meeting up with a group of people who have shared in so many experiences with you and are so comfortable in our lengthy companionship. Nevertheless, despite my undying love for these people, being one of the only single people can be shall I say, a little discouraging? Depressing? Draining? The majority of my friends are in long-term relationships (5+ years) and are in the process of planning their lives together. They’re moving in together, buying houses, getting engaged and doing all of the coupley things that couples do. Don’t get me wrong though! I love that those closest to me are steaming ahead with their lives and careers but it sometimes leaves me feeling rather deflated. I’m a 26-year-old, second year university student who lives at home and is single. I really don’t think my life can get more pathetic and it doesn’t help that when I get together with my friends, they’re so clearly in love with one another that I feel out of place. I feel like a twelfth wheel. As well as this, I also feel like I’m not able to share in a lot of the couple dramas my friends are going through because I don’t have a partner of my own and can’t complain about my own man dramas. At most, all I can do when my girlfriends complain about their boyfriends is nod, look concerned and say “What an asshole!”. It’s been years since my last real relationship and so I think I’m pretty out of touch. I try to give advice based on my own experiences but I don’t know how effective it really is. At least I try, right?!

Anyway, this then brings me to the idea of dating. I don’t even know where to begin! I’m told “Just go on a night out and you’ll find someone” or “Try online dating” but to be honest, both options have me running for the hills at break-neck speeds. I really don’t think I’m going to find my perfect match in a bar or on a website and thus lies my problem. Why is it so hard to find the right guy? And why is it that you think you find the right guy and it turns out that he’s gay, taken or just plain unavailable? I say, WHERE HAVE ALL THE DECENT MEN GONE??!! It’s a debate that single women everywhere are grappling with but the question remains: Is there any hope left for me and my seemingly-everlasting singledom?