Where to begin?

Guilt. Where does one even begin to explain it, describe it or attempt to conquer it? G-U-I-L-T. It’s a terrible, terrible emotion that plagues on my sense of self-worth, my sense of goodness and my all round sense of happiness. It makes me feel bad about not doing something or festers for so long in my over-crowded head that I end up participating in something I would have been better off avoiding. It’s a fat, slimy worm of an emotion that slowly but surely eats away at the softest parts of my soul and leaves me empty and twitching with a knot the size of a rockmelon in the pit of my stomach. I feel guilty about so many things that I don’t even know where to begin. Even those things that I find pleasurable and have no self control over make me feel guilty! I feel guilty that my brother got me a decent gift for Christmas (there really is a first time for everything!) when all I gave him was a yo-yo and the book he gave me last year (It was a joke. Promise). I feel guilty about having neglected my blog for so long over the holiday period. I feel guilty about downloading pirated movies and TV shows from the Internet. I feel guilty about eating that chocolate bar and not doing any form of exercise to compensate. I JUST FEEL SO GODDAMN GUILTY! I think I need to do something about this guilt before it completely consumes me. The beginning of a new year seems like as good a time as any. Time for an explosive bomb dive into a guiltless existence.

Now guilt is no easy thing to combat. I feel like there’s always going to be something out there that’s going to make my stomach churn and my heart rate increase simply because I might regret that particular decision or indeed, that act of indecision. Anyway, I’ve been thinking about it and it occurred to be that I can absolutely reduce my sense of guilt and perhaps even beat it altogether. Recently I was talking to a friend over a delightful café breakfast and she suggested a “Year of Yes” where I do nothing but say yes to things all year long; the only exception is if the event is already clashing with a prior engagement. To a shut-in and home-body like me, the thought of saying yes to every single proposition scares the bejesus out of me not to mention my bank account. In theory, it’s an excellent idea and will definitely increase both my social life and livelihood (to an extent) but how realistic is it for me? With work, uni and travels in the works, I don’t think I’m a financially viable candidate for a “Year of Yes” so instead, I’m just going to make a bigger effort to put myself out there and actively participate in life rather than deciding to be a hermit and watch things on my laptop (a pleasurable past-time that makes me feel guilty). For example, I’m currently at work (first day back for 2014) and I’ve been invited to attend a Pool & BBQ Party afterwards. My lazy and antisocial self wants nothing more than to just go home, have a shower and curl up in bed with my dog to watch Girls (2012), Teen Wolf (2011) or some other equally good but bad TV series. This, however. shall not come to pass. I’m going to go home, get changed, buy some drinks and food and then head over to my friends house to hang out with them. I will be a social person and I will have a good time. That’s the plan and I’m going to try my darndest to continue this particular trend all year long. Hopefully more often than not it’s going to be to my benefit rather than my detriment but I guess I’ll just have to wait and see.

Here’s to 2014, a “Year of More Yes’s than No’s”.


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